Today is a really hard day for me. I could not have imagined it happening but Alex got in his car and started his drive back to Pennsylvania. I don't know where to begin and I don't know where to end...there was just so much stuff that happened. It's hard to separate out what was the relationship and what was circumstances. All I know is that the last 3 - 4 months have been the hardest of my life and I'm so sorry that Alex went through it as well. We both still love each other so much, and maybe some day in the future we are meant to be together...but not now. As usual, the future is wide open and there is both a comfort and a scariness to that space.
I could write about all the regrets I have or what I think I/we could have done differently...but that won't change the now. I still can't even believe that I'm writing this post...it feels like a bad dream, I want to wake up.
What is now is that I am focusing on myself, surrounding myself with friends, and looking to everything that I am grateful for.
What I am grateful for:
Courage The strength of my being My friends & family (I am floored by my friends, the support that I have gotten today has been amazing) Long talks Chocolate chip, strawberry & banana pancakes Beautiful plants and my garden Saying "I love you" when saying "goodbye"